Is this a good premise to start a good story or not? updated: 1-25

The Pick Up Artist

After work John did something he doesnt usually do, he went to a bar with his co-workers. These co-workers arent very outgoing; John was thinking that this outing with their co-workers is the only time this group got out. Matthew a young man that works by his cubical has always asked John to join them. This evening was like most, but John accepted Matthews invitation to get a drink at the local bar.

At the bar the male co-workers gather around a table with John looking the situation over and asks, “When are the women going to get here?”

Matthew almost laughs, “The women from work don’t come to this bar.”

John looks confused, “Well then, ah, who are the easiest women here?”

Will another co-worker is acutely laughing, “John, I’d like to see you walk up to one of the hotties at the counter and say hi.  I’d like to see how long that conversation lasts.”

John looks around the table and to Will, “Alright, why don’t you be my wingman?”

Will stops laughing with disbelief that John is going to do anything but burn, “Right, alright let’s do this.”

John looks to the Bar and sees two fine women together sitting alone.  He gets up with Will and pulls to the side, Will is a Computer Technician at work, but John has some questions for him.

John has plan that he needs to find a way to make work with Will, “Alright what do you like to do at home?”

Will thinks for a moment, “I mostly work on my computer at home….”

With a roll of his eyes John asks, “Anything ells?”

After not too long John gets what he needs from Will and start for the Bar.  They walk to the side of the two women that John picked out from a distance.  They were good targets in John’s opinion, a long blond haired twenty something with a shabby brown haired friend that looked lonely.

As John walks to them with a timed Will close behind he is thinking, okay I’ll start with the hot one and hand her off to Will, “Hello, this is John and he saw you two sitting here and John just had to say hi.”

The blond looked to Will, “Hi John I’m July and this is my friend April?”

With Will standing motionless John continued, “Yes well he’s the artist type.  A painter in fact he’s painting a city at the moment.  I think it’s San Francisco?  He is trying to broaden is painting experiences by painting in layers.  I think he’s trying to paint the bridge in the distance with a house and in front of the house is a street with a car?  I think that’s how it goes, John?”

After April finished laughing John thought he should ask about her before she asks where he met John, aka Will, “So April, do you come here often?”

April looks up, asking herself, do I want to tell this clown that I’m a local, “July drags me here…once in a while.”

John was thinking, okay…complement her, “I never been here before, but if there are more people as interesting as you, I may have to come back.”

April thought, what’s so interesting about me, “Oh John, you are the interesting one.  Why don’t you tell me about where you and John work?”

John didn’t think work would interest her, Dolt I set Will up with something to talk about and left me out in the cold. John had to think fast before this conversation went cold, so he sent out the common drivel about not wanting to talk about work while he thought of what story to tell April, “So, last weekend I was out with guys from my hood to see the home show.  A few of the guys brought their wives, but I stayed with the single guys and we all had ideas to improve our places.”

April seemed interested in hearing what John found, and he told a story about turning his guest bedroom into a man cave.  He finished with, “All I could afford at the time was a Futon to replace the bed.  The Futon makes the room bigger, because most of the time it is folded to be used as a comfy couch and it’s half the size of the bed.”

April was intrigued to hear what John was doing with the extra space, “Did you find a big screen to put on the wall, because the prices have gone down?”

“Not yet.” As John gulps down a pint of beer he thinks, grate she probably thinks she is a designer after getting something like a computer graphics degree.

Will, aka John, steps up, “Yes, something like that.  July it’s my honor to meet you.  As my friend here was saying, I’m working on painting in layers, there is a bridge in the back ground, but I’m using an apartment building not just a house.   The thing I’m having trouble with is the street in front of the building with the car.  The car is supposed to look like an afterthought with the apartment building being the focus.”

With confusion July asks, “Then why have the car?”